This time round the entry, is a little bit personal and emotional. I have earlier in my plan to discuss bout the current hottest issue in Saudia Arabia. But I delayed it because I like to frame my gratitude to one of my student, her name is RANA. She made me remember the most dearest friend to me in Malaysia, Arnie Fadzillah and Siti Hanim Mohd Kudus.
Usually its really hard for me to have someone attached to me. I always want to spare my little heart for those who deserved it(My husband, my parent, my brothers and sisters.. bas). I could hardly recall anyone that I can call bestfriend. Since young, I don't really have bestfriends but I have many friends that like to hang around with me. May be I kind of happy go lucky person, so people can easily attached to me. But it works contrary to me. I may look easily to be approached, but it's difficult for me to consider people as special. I can numbered them if I want. Too few too count. Arnie(in Penang now working in - Anti-Drug Department) she is my ex-prep year classmate. We have been together since then till we completed our studies though we were in different program. We have different interest, different opinion but yet we like each other. We are chemistry suited to each other. She was in Pharmacy but I am in Computer Science. Totally different line but yet we still together. Till now, before I left I made an effort to pay a visit to her family. Same to her, if happened she came down to KL for court-case hearing she will pay a visit for me though its only took 20 minutes to be together. Even sometimes, I did smsing her when suddenly I had a thought of her.
Met her and have her as my friend is a fate from Allah.
Another one is my x-collegue-mate. She has the same interest of me, share same thought, have the same inspiration. Even share the same initial name S... H.... Mine Siti Haryani. We use the same initial. Usually I dislike people that have the same characteristics with me, but with her, masyallah she is my sister billah. A very close I can say, I put all my thrust to her. I don't know if she took me the same way or not. If I died, if I have anything left to manage maybe I will put her name to manage the leftover. She is an 'amanah' person. I really pray for her so that Allah will always reward her with the most highest pleasure in this world and world after.
Today.... I felt the same feelings, someone who is a stranger to you.. suddenly shows her concern like she had knew you for many years. She did not do anything to me except looking at me while I am cheerfully talking to her. And ask one shocking question " Are you sad teacher?". It is a shocking question becoz I was laughing and cheerfully talking to her as usual whenenever she drop in to my office. Suddenly I can't hide anymore, my tears running heavily because I did not believe that she realize something from my eyes and she really concerned. Earlier she did not want to leave me till I settled, but I refused and leave her instead of waiting any longer. Her name is RANA.
For her, she had several time saw me cried before, usually due to students problem. The trouble that their makes sometimes not only broke your heart but make you burst to tears. It never happened to me in Malaysia. 6 years teaching, I am crying due to student attitude? Never happened in Malaysia, but not in here, I still remember almost 5 times I cried because too angry with the students. But this time round she knew it is not from the students. She knew almost all the students I taught now know how to behave with me. She ask from me a clarification. But I can't explain why and what the coz. I told her this is very personal to me. And I told to her not even ask or tell anyone that she saw me crying. She agreed. She does not deserve to know. She refused to leave me till she told me to read this doa'.
" Allahuma inni auzubika minnal hammi walhazan wanauzubika ajzi wal kasal, wa nauzubika minal jub ni wal bukhl, wa nauzubika min ghalabatiddai ni wa qahrir rijal"
When she mentioned the verse, I told her I knew that verse, and I pronounced it properly for her to listen, and ask her is that the one and she said yes. And I told her that is my favourite doa actually. I told her don't worry about me. I will always have Allah beside me. Then she felt relief and leaved me alone with my one world.
Why??? Too complicated to describe. But I felt so grateful Allah give me courage and wisdom to think wise so that I will not make stupid decision or reaction. I don't need hablum minannas if things go so difficult with the nas.. I prefer hablum minallah. He knows what I had done. The most important thing later, I will return to HIM and to be questioned everything for what I had done.
"Perception is man-made views, good or bad is only a phenomenon."
Who is RANA to me?
When I first came here, she is a very shy and gloomy(sad, dreamy, always wandering in class) student. She could not even understand a word of English, yet the class here are delivered in English. She faced a very difficult time to master English language. Everytime when she approached any teacher to clarify the subject matters, she will always bring along her travel dictionary(her friend (formerly - Naeemah, now Noora)).
Somehow after one year past, one of the seniour teacher in the department called me when she noticed that RANA like to cling around me without nothing to do or nothing to say, she always come and see me. She said " I realize she is very close to you and like to be with you. Since she looked like comfortable with me I want to tell you something about RANA" . I made to understand during the early semester, a year before I came, she is a very hardworking, bright and talkative person. Something is happened in her family and till then she became so quite, like to dreaming and wandering and loss in her world. When she told me the problem that RANA is facing I started to understand her problem. Nothing much I did to her just to encourage her to study and attend her when she needed me.
Soon after 2 years, she felt I am so closed to her till she did not want anything disturbing me. It was so kind of her. She now dare to meet teachers without her "walking dictionary". I started realize she comes and visits almost all teachers and communicate in English without help. During my relationship with her I taught her to make " nasi goreng ikan bilis" . I gave her some " ikan bilis" from my stock so that she can try. She made it and gave some to me. Not bad for first timer. I didn't realize it made her feel so fond to me, till today when she showed her concerns then I knew what I did, had leave special marks on her .
Thank you RANA anyway.
